Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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