I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
