He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Let the clothes fall where they may.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
