non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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