not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
These tits shall not be calmed
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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