I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
