Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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