I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
