I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
