i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
