is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
