He kissed a someone with a penis
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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