he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
