I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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