There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Acid is not a monday night drug
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
