hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
