wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
