I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
