you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
