Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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