I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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