loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
