wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
