We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
