she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
