let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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