Jerry, you need to find god
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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