you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
