Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
