You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
