Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
