Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
