if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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