So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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