Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
