Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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