Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
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