It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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