i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
