I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
