If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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