the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
