I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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