I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
why do cheetos always look like penises
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
