Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
