Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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