Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
