My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
