you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
