the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I AM VODKA MAN
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
