just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
