I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
