Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
